Hell Comes To Frogtown review

Banana Rating: 3 out of 5

The Mad Max films are pretty good. Except maybe the one with Tina Turner in it. But they’re miss­ing a cru­cial ingredi­ent. They don’t have mutant frog­men in them. Wouldn’t it be great if there was a post-apocalyptic movie fea­tur­ing man-sized frogs? And wouldn’t it also be great if it starred Rowdy Roddy Piper?

Well, there is. And it does. And it’s called Hell Comes to Fro­g­town. With a title like that, I don’t know how any­one can res­ist. Unless, per­haps, you like to wear polo neck sweat­ers, smoke menthol cigar­ettes, and sit out­side Parisian cafes, strok­ing your goatee beard whilst dis­cuss­ing auteur the­ory. A wanker, in other words.

 Any­way, the story. Roddy Piper is one of the last few fer­tile men in a world dev­ast­ated by nuc­lear war, and now con­trolled by (mostly) hot women. As he is some­thing of a prize, invalu­able in the repop­u­la­tion pro­cess, a government-run out­fit known as Med-Tech clamps a metal cod­piece on his crown jew­els. The one snag for him is that if he moves too far out of range of a cer­tain per­son, the cod­piece starts dis­pens­ing elec­tric shocks. Move even fur­ther, and the thing blows up. Kind of like The Run­ning Man, but the bomb’s on his cock.

Of course, fer­tile men need fer­tile women. But it seems a group of those women have been cap­tured by an army of mutant frog­men, and are being held deep in Fro­g­town. In the com­pany of a doc­tor, and a crop top wear­ing army girl who con­trols a moun­ted machine gun on their vehicle, Roddy Piper must res­cue them. It’s either that, or lose his willy.

It’s text­book story telling. Books on story struc­ture will tell you that you need to raise the stakes for the main char­ac­ter. That you must find some­thing that he/she cares deeply about, and place that thing under threat. Is there any­thing that a man cares about more deeply than the well­being of his todger? It doesn’t come much more high stakes than that.

How­ever, this is Rowdy Roddy Piper we’re talk­ing about. This is a man who laughs in the face of adversity. Sure, he might panic a bit when his bomb packed cod­piece starts bleep­ing, but he remains pretty per­son­able and gung-ho. Maybe that’s a limit of his act­ing abil­it­ies. Even if that’s true, it still makes for a goofy, enjoy­able per­form­ance. You can’t help but like the lov­able lug.

And that about sums the movie up as well. The act­ing won’t win any Oscars, but everyone’s com­pet­ent in a charm­ingly daft way, and always watch­able. It’s easy to slate a B-movie, but what I like about some of the bet­ter ones is their sense of fun. Hell Comes to Fro­g­town, for all it’s fail­ings, for all it’s chees­iness, never loses sight of hav­ing fun.